i think i’ve decided this might be the best way to get it out,
all these stupid feelings need words to speak them,
eyes to reach them.
i want to tell you I’m sorry i never met you the way i always dreamed.
i want you to know you inspired me to reach farther than most ever would,
you taught me how beautiful the world is,
how beautiful i could be,
and heroic you could be.
and i know its just too late for everything.
and you must know somehow i miss you
though i never did know you.
and i suppose i worry that you think i wanted to know you
for the reasons everyone else did too.
but that is more than wrong of a thought.
i would have loved you
inside and out.
mind and soul.
somehow i stupidly wonder
if you are looking into me
and seeing all this is true.
seeing that i could have helped you.
could have saved you.
could have loved you.
could have understood you.
could have made you happier.
could have made you a better person.
i will never know now.
nor will you it seems.
i wish i could have gotten there sooner
and proven myself right.
i hope you were happy.
i always wanted to ask if you were.
you made so many people in this world
more happy than was possible
and all i ever wanted was for you to be just as happy.
yes, more than their happiness.
i think you were.
i heard the smile in your voice,
and saw it imprinted on those pictures.
i shall always miss you.
I hope somehow you will discover
how much you meant/mean to me.