June 2009
Excuse me Mister Edi Gathegi,
i would just like to tell you
if not for your accent and handsome looks in Twilight the movie
and your appearance again in New Moon
theres a good chance i would not 1. have gotten through the rest of Twilight the movie 2. make an effort to see the second movie, New Moon
now dont get me wrong people
i liked the books
the whole idea is quite nice
but oh dear the movie was a sad thing
lets...
“Andrew:
I’m not too late. Are you positive you’re doing the right thing?
...”
– Bicentennial Man
i have a strong urge to make a gingerbread house
oh christmas, how i miss you.
for goodness sake
somebody
or something
inspire me
right now
please and thank you.
May 2009
beyond all my sad thoughts
i am wondering
as a child would wonder at a flower opening in the morning and not at night
why one person’s happiness
can so often mean another person’s sadness
i will never understand how you could do this to...
i hate it when
you’re upset and you know its stupid to be but you need to for right now and everyone wants details and you just want the raw unhappiness not to explain in detail
i dont know why they dont understand this though i dont want him to do this i dont want this to happen
i am afraid now i am sad now i am alone forever now
finding big dead spiders in your bathroom
is both a happy and unhappy situation ive come to find
though i must admit im leaning more to the
unhappy side of it
leaving in about a half hour or so
hopefully i will have 6 hours of writing out of this trip
otherwise
(i feel)
it isnt really worth that much to me
i do quite want to
send a message in a bottle
i hope one day i will get that chance
and that someone will find it
and it will make their day
i have
a 6 hour drive tomorrow
starting at 8am
oh jeebus O_____O
and no internet because my laptop is silly :[
but at least i can bring it with me and write
writing on the road = LOVE + <3
anddd im packing a picnic of food its not amazing since we have little food left but it will be nice to surprise them with :]
come to think of it,
i now laugh at all the times i have sat lonely and said to myself
or others:
“i wish i were doing something tonight”
or
“i wish i had some plans like others do”
or even
“i wish i weren’t so bored”
just because i wished for company and fun plans with others
how stupid i was
i should really not take any time in this life i have for granted
...
i found an old poem i wrote years ago
only 7 tiny lines
and it means the world.
i watch my Tumblarity fall from lost time whenever...
and yet instead of being sad or upset or down
as too many people are
i smile and think about what i got to do instead of being on tumblr all day
i have really horrible dreams sometimes
ive always wondered why my mind wants me to see these things
i figure its to make me stronger
and inspire me
oh my dear lord
dancers are just so beautiful especially ones who dance ballet (i think) i would cry if i were in their lovely presence
i feel so much worse
than i did this morning.
granted i feel not as bad as i did last week, but thats a whole ‘nother thing.
being sick never helped anyone i keep thinking, but perhaps i am wrong and it did indeed.
my head is pulsing and it feels like its trying to push my eyes out of their sockets. which doesnt sound fun, and i saw someones eye pop out on House (the tv show) and even in an unreal tv show...
P.S.
i love you.
and and for good measure
lets fall in love all over again.
i believe that i have finally noticed
my calling.
isnt it funny it was the thing i shoved away in panic, in discouragement, in fear.
and my lovely little world just became so soft, sweet and indescribably beautiful.
i would like to thank the glittering page that caught my eye only and the warm tingling feeling i get when i think about this plan.
i think i just realized,
that there is no hope for us, darling.
those memories,
need to crash and burn.
